


All in Your Mind (It Is)

by LeahCat



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Broken Family, Bullied Castiel, Bullying, Genetic Disorders & Abnormalities, Hospitalization, Hurt Castiel, Hurt Sam Winchester, M/M, Mental Breakdown, Protective Dean Winchester, Sam Winchester and Mental Health Issues, Schizophrenia, Slightly Blind! Castiel, Slightly Deaf! Castiel
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-12-09
Updated: 2015-07-12
Packaged: 2018-02-28 18:00:10
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 10
Words: 12,101
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2741837
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LeahCat/pseuds/LeahCat
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dean Winchester knows what it is like to be different and not in a good way. He didn't learn it on his own, no, he sees it from his brother, Sam. So when a new kid comes to school being different, Dean Winchester knows exactly what to do.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Lucifer

**Author's Note:**

> WARNING: This story contains many dark and sensitive topics. Before reading this make sure you are not easily triggered; this story can be very triggering. In fear of spoilers, I have chosen not to use archive warnings. Take this into account before reading. Again, if you are easily triggered this might not be the story for you. You've been warned! Enjoy the story!

Everything was normal in the Winchester house hold. John and Mary Winchester happily married, sitting side by side watching the Saturday college football game. Dean Winchester sat in his and his brother’s room, watching it on his own TV. His brother Sam sat on the floor playing with Dean’s old batman toy.

Dean had new and better ones that he could play with if he wanted to. Sam didn’t seem to mind though, he was 5 anyway. “Sammy, come watch the game with me.” Dean said looking down at Sam who was looking outside the door.

“Sammy?” Dean asked. Sam sometimes seemed to not listen to what he was saying. Sam shook his head and suddenly threw the batman toy across the hall, hitting the wall with a big smash.

“Okay, okay…” Dean said, not knowing what to do. He was only 9 anyway. Dean got back onto his bed, sighing. The football game was almost over, and Dean was finally getting relaxed again.

“Sam, are you su—“

Dean looked down and Sam wasn’t there. Next thing he knew there was smash and a scream coming from the hallway. Dean jumped off the bed, going to where he heard the sound. It got louder as he walked into the bathroom and there it was. The vase in the corner of the room had fallen over, glass was everywhere and there Sam was. Glass was stuck in his skin in a few areas, but not many.

John and Mary where right behind Dean within seconds. Mary grabbed onto Dean, “Let’s go into the bedroom honey, Daddy’s gonna handle it.”

Dean nodded and followed directions, walking with his mother into the bedroom. They were watching TV for a good 30 minutes, ignoring the screaming and crying from the other room. Mary needed to watch Dean and Dean didn’t need to be there.

For what seemed like hours later the noise had stopped and John was walking into their bedroom with Sam asleep in his arms. “Is he—“

“Ssssh…” Mary said as John laid Sam down in his bed, making everyone exit the room.

“He’s fine Dean.” John said as soon as they were out of the room. “Did you see what happened?” John asked looking down at Dean as if he was in trouble. With wide and scared eyes he shakes his head too afraid to say no.

“Did you hear…Well, anyone else in the house?” John asked. Dean gives him a confused look. “No, was someone else in the house?!”

John shakes his head. “I don’t think so, and if there was they didn’t take anything or leave a mark.” Mary looks generally as confused as Dean. “John, why would you think someone else was in the house?”

“As Sam was crying, he said someone attacked him. He was more freaked out than injured. Are you sure you didn’t see anything, Dean?”

“I’m sure, Dad.” Dean said. John nodded and shut the door quietly, leaving Sam to sleep.

 

* * *

 

            Days went by and nothing more had happened. Dean was on the couch doing his homework, while Sam was drawing on the floor. Their Father was a truck driver and wasn’t home at the moment. Mary was up in their parent’s bedroom watching TV so Dean wouldn’t be distracted.

            Dean’s homework wasn’t too hard for him and he Sam didn’t talk much so he was fine. When he was finished he decided to go over to Sam, play with him. Dean sat down not bothering Sam it seemed.

            “What are you drawing Sammy?” Dean asked looking down at picture of a stick figure man with blonde hair, a dark green-ish jacket, a green shirt, and jeans. Sam continued to draw as if Dean didn’t ask him a question, then finally answers.

            “It’s Him.” He says quietly. Dean gives him a confused look. “Who’s Him?” Dean asked looking around. Sam turns around facing Dean. “Dean you gotta—gotta be quiet. He’ll hear you…”

            Dean looks around seeing nothing. “Sam, what are you talking about?” Sam’s eyes are wide and he gets up looking around. “He’s coming Dean! I told you to be quiet! He’s coming!” Sam said starting to get teary looking around. Dean got up and started walking toward Sam only for him to scream and run off.

            Before Dean could even move, there was a long bang from the kitchen, with Sam sobbing. Mary was in the kitchen faster than Dean had time to understand what had just happened. “Dean, go into the car!” Mary yelled from the kitchen. Dean didn’t even have a chance to ask why, because when he was at the door his mother was behind him with Sam in her arm, holding his head.

            Dean opened the door fast and held it open for his mother and Sam. Mary was quickly putting Sam in his car seat as he sobbed, and screamed. “Dean, baby, I’ll be right back okay. I’ll be fast okay?” She said, trying to act as-if things were fine.

            When she came back she had a red wash-cloth in her hand. She quickly put her hand on Sam’s head with the cloth, putting pressure to one spot. It was that moment Dean realized Sam was bleeding, and most have hit his head pretty bad against something.

            “Baby, can you keep your hand on that while mommy drives?” She asks as nicely as she possibly. Dean nods. “Make sure you keep pressure on it.” He nods again.

            Sam screamed the whole way there, looking almost panicked. He kept shaking his head and sobbing. Dean didn’t know how bad his head hurt but it couldn’t have felt good.

            When they got there Mary held Sam in her arms as they got into a room fast. Dean had never been in the emergency rooms before and didn’t know if he liked it or not. The doctor wasn’t in there too long. They just shaved some of Sam’s hair off and stitched up his head. Dean wasn’t a loud in the room when it all happened, but he knew a lot yelling and sobbing went down.

            Once Dean came in the room was silent and Sam was talking to his mother. “Mommy, why are we staying here? I’m all better.” He asks timidly. Mary sighs. “Sammy, the doctors want to talk to you about what you believe happened.”

            “Mommy, they already talked to me, remember?” Sam said, unhappy to be there in the first place. “Other doctors want to talk to you honey.” She adds on.

            “Why?” Sam asks, looking down. “I just wanna go home.” He groans.

            “I’m sorry baby boy, but they have to. They’ll be coming in soon too. Hopefully your father will be here by then too.” She says. Sam turns around and pouts, looking at Dean.

 From what Dean had seen, doctors were always late, which was good this time because his father got there in time. He didn’t seem happy when he came in either. Dean could tell. He instantly went to Sam, looking at his head, making sure he was okay.

“What happened, Mary? He was fine…” He doesn’t even say hello. Mary is looking down. “He hit his head on the table. I thought he fell, but that’s not what he’s telling me or the doctors.”

John looks over at Sam, frowning. “What’s he saying?” John asked. “I’d like to know that as well…” a doctor said coming in. Sam was tired and wasn’t talking much, but Sam didn’t talk much anyway.

“Hello Mr. and Mrs. Winchester, I’m Dr. Hanscum. I’m very interested in hearing what Sam hear says happened.” She sits down on the rolling stool and goes over to Sam. “Hey Sam, I’m Dr. Hanscum.”

“Hi.” Sam says shyly looking across the room to the wall. “I see you got a nice sized cut right there, you wanna tell me what happened?”

Sam nods and looks up as if it helped him think. “Dean asked me I was drawing.”

“Alright, what were you drawing?” Dr. Hanscum asks nicely, writing it down on a note-pad. “I was drawing, Luci.” He says.

“Who is Luci?” She asks writing it down on her paper. Before she was done writing Sam stopped her, looking at her paper. “You spelled it wrong!” He points out. “It’s L-U-C-I!” He shouts. She smiles and changes her mistake. “Okay Sam, who is this Luci, with an I?”

Sam points at the wall he was looking at earlier. “Him.” He says. The doctor turns around looking at the wall. Nothing was there.

“Okay, can you tell me what he looks like?” She asks. Dean glances over at his parents who are looking at Sam with wide eyes and confusion. “He has a dark green coat on, and a light green shirt. He is wearing jeans too. He has blonde hair and blue eyes too.”

She writes all of this down. “When Dean asked what I was drawing Luci was telling me not to tell Dean. But Dean is my brother so I told him. Luci didn’t like that and told Dean to keep it down but Dean was too loud. Luci started chasing after me and he pushed into the table. That’s what happened?”

“Was he in the room with you and Dean?” She asks him. Sam shakes his head. “No, he was waiting. That’s why I told Dean not to talk too loud or he would hear, but he did anyway.”

She nods. “Alright, Dean can you tell me what happened?” She asked carefully. Dean shrugs. “I mean I did ask Sam what was drawing and he was all quiet and then he told me to be quiet. I just asked him why and he started running.”

“Have any of you seen anyone like Luci before?” Dean shakes his head. Sam keeps silent looking at that same wall. “Okay, Mr. and Mrs. Winchester can you come with me for a moment?”

“Can I come too?” Dean asks as a nurse is stepping in the room to watch Sam for a moment. The doctor looks down and sighs. “You can…”

Dean walks with them out the door. The doctor starts talking and his parents seemed to be confused and worried at the same time. “I think from all this information I can conclude what’s going on with Sam.”

“Why is he making up all this stories?!” John yells. “Sir, let me finish please.” John nods and takes a deep breath. “He technically isn’t making the stories up and although some tests need to be done, I believe your son has pediatric schizophrenia. It’s rare so if you’ll allow us to do some tests with him throughout the next couple of days, we can give you a full answer.”

Mary is looking down, frowning and John nods. “Of course…” He is worried. Dean wasn’t sure what was going on.

After many tests later, Sam was diagnosed with Pediatric Schizophrenia. Only if Dean knew this day would change his life forever.


	2. Castiel

 

  ** _6 years later…_**

****

“Dean, wake up, it’s time for the first day of school!” Mary said, shaking her 14 year old boy awake. Dean opened his eyes, rubbing them. Mary smiled. “Be quiet, please…” She whispered, looking over at Sam. They still shared a room.

Dean frowned. “I thought you were going to let him go to school this year...” Dean mumbled, frowning at his brother. Mary looked down and sighed, walking out of the room. She didn’t want to answer and Dean knew why. It meant Sam didn’t pass all his tests and still had to be homeschooled. It made Dean sad and mad all at the same time.

He got of his bed and ran out of his room. “Mom, why can’t he?” Dean already knew the answer, but he needed to be sure. “Dean, you know he isn’t ready…he won’t be safe.”

“But Mom, he should be able to be like all the other kids! That’s not fair!” Dean yells. Mary glared at him. “Get ready for school, _without_ waking your brother. Do you understand?” Mary said sternly.

Dean nodded and walked back into his room. He got his clothes on fast, looking down at Sam, sighing. If someone looked at him you’d think he was a normal 10 year old boy. But Dean knew as soon as he woke up, he was just different.

They had tried everything. Sam had been on every pill that he could take without dying at the highest degree, but nothing worked for him. Lucifer or Luci was still there, every time. Now there was even more people. No doctors could explain it or control it. It was like Sam was too different for explaining.

Sammy was even put in a mental hospital for months to almost a year, but they found that nothing worked and he seemed to just hurt more people or himself while he was there. There seemed to be no stop and the Winchesters paid for it daily. Life was too rough.

Dean was almost ready for school when he heard Sam’s voice. “Dean?” He asked. “Why didn’t you wake me up?” He was frowning.

“Sam, Mom told me not to.”

“Mom told me I was going to get to go to school this year…” Sam mumbled. Sometimes his words would come out all at once. Dean frowned. “I know, and I was hoping she would let you but it’s not her or mines choice. It’s the doctors…”

Sam looked at the wall nodded. Dean knew someone else was talking to him now. He couldn’t helped but frown and leave the room. John took Dean to school sense someone had to be with Sam at all times.

Dean always hated the first day of school. He would never know if any of his friends would be in his classes and this year he was a freshman in high-school which is even scarier.

Dean walked into the school with his schedule in his hands, going straight to his first class. The first person he sees is Charlie, his best friend, which he was very thankful for. “Dean!” She smiles waves. Dean waves back, walking over to her.

She hugged him. “How was your summer?”

“It was nice. I didn’t really go anywhere. I mean we were supposed to go to somewhere, but you know…” Dean frowned. Charlie sighed. “I’m sorry, Dean.” Charlie seemed legit sorry. She was the only friend of Dean’s that knew about Sam.

“But hey, didn’t you say he was getting better?” She said, patting his back. Dean shook his head. “He _was…_ ” Dean groaned. “But, then something went wrong and he ended up back in the hospital for a couple of weeks. He’s only gotten worse since then. It’s like they don’t leave him alone at all anymore.” Dean said frowning.

“Cheer up, Dean. He’ll get better.”

“Okay, tell that to me like everyone else has for the past 6 years…” Dean groaned. Charlie sighed. “Sorry…But hey, we’re in high-school now! You’re going to meet new friends. It’ll get your mind off of things, right?”

“Sammy is on the top of my list. I don’t need new friends. I have enough, and anymore will somehow know about Sammy, and it’ll tear him apart. He hates it already, and not everyone is as understanding as you.”

The 2nd bell rang as Charlie answered. “Come on, Dean. You got to give people a chance. You never know, they might have a problem too.”

Dean nodded, sighing. The teacher came into room. “Hello everyone, my name is Mr. Singer, please take a seat where ever you want. I’ll be taking role once 5 minutes goes by. This is a freshmen class; I understand people can be late and lost.”

 After 5 minutes went by, 1 person seemed to be late. He came in with glasses on his face, covering his bright blue eyes. They weren’t sunglasses, just normal glasses. He was taller and seemed shy. Dean had never seen him before.

“I’m sorry, I’m late...I couldn’t see the numbers on the doors. I had to kind-of guess.” He says with abnormally low voice. The teacher nods. “What’s your name? I just finished calling out names.”

“Castiel Novak.” He said, in a huff tone as if he didn’t like his name. Mr. Singer nodded. “Well, there is a seat back there, near the tall blonde haired kid.” Dean knew he was talking about him.  

Castiel nodded and walked over to the chair next to Dean. Dean smiled as Cas sat down next to him. It was one of those smiles that say “Hi” because you don’t want to be awkward and not say or do anything.

The whole class time Dean couldn’t help but look at the odd boy. It seemed other kids did the same thing. The boy had hearing aids in his ears and his eyes were bright but they just seemed off. It was as if it was one step below a lazy eye.

As the day went on Dean realized this boy was in all his classes, just as Charlie. All the kids seemed to look at him a lot. He was defiantly new to this area because Dean knew at least the face of the other freshmen. Castiel was the only one he knew he didn’t know.

Dean couldn’t get his mind off of Castiel. Was it the fact that he was different? Was it cause of his bright blue eyes or his almost jet black hair? Dean couldn’t figured it out, but when a group of people decide to start making fun of him, Dean can’t take it.

“Charlie, those guys over there…they’re making fun of Castiel.” Dean almost mumbles. Charlie looks over at the other table. “Who? The new kid?” Charlie asks.

“Yeah, Castiel…we can’t let them just do that to him.” Dean almost yells, getting up. “Dean, stop! They’ll start making fun of you and that’s all you need for the first day of school!”

“Too fucking bad!” Dean protested her demands, walking over to Castiel. “Hey, leave him alone!” Dean yelled to the two men around him. Castiel’s eyes go wide along with the bullies who turn around and face him.

“Who the hell, do you think you are freshmeat?” The taller bully says with what seem to be a slur in his voice. The other man laughed and looked Dean straight in the eye. His eyes were golden and his smile was creepy.

“Doesn’t matter who I think I am. All that matters is that you leave him alone.” Dean yelled, not a single cent of fear coming from his voice. The tall one seemed surprised. “Okay…We’ll leave him alone.” The other looked at the tall one with confusion.

“Come on Azazel…” The tall one said walking around Dean, leaving. Azazel turned around and looked at Castiel. “See you later, sweet cheeks.” He made a kissy face as he followed his friend away. Castiel stood there staring at Dean, with his intense blue eyes. “Are you okay?” Dean asks.

Castiel nods. “Thank you.” He mumbles fixing his glasses as they were turned on his face. “Are you sure you’re okay?” Dean asks again walking closer to him. Castiel takes in a breath turns around, as if mad. “Stop. I’m fine.”

“Okay, I was just trying to help…” Dean says, going over to him. “I’m fine…” Castiel grabs his bag, about to walk away. “Hey, if you ever—“

“I’m fine!” Castiel yells walking fast off as if running wasn’t an option. It was as if question marks where flying off Dean’s head. Did he do wrong? There was something about that guy…Why did he run away when Dean helped him?

When Castiel was out of sight, Dean turned around. Charlie had left. It was the end of the school day; she probably didn’t want to miss her bus. Dean walked outside seeing his Father’s truck. Usually his mother picked him up from school…this couldn’t be good.


	3. Gadreel

 

“Hey Dean, how was school?” John asked with the fakest smile on his face. “Doesn’t matter, are you just picking me up too this year or what is happening?” Dean gets straight to it. John sighs and starts driving as Dean gets buckled. “Sam’s not had a good day today.”

“He never has any good days, Dad.” Dean said, with an attitude in his tone. “Watch your tone young man.”

“Dad, what’s going on?” Dean said more calm. “Well, your mother called me today, needing me with Sam and…”

“And what?” Dean interrupted his pause. John glared at him reaching a stop light. “Dean, he’s seeing another person…He’s always had Lucifer, but now he is seeing a new person it’s freaking him out. He’s had a lot of panic attacks today.”

“Why didn’t you take me out of school; you know he calms down when I’m there?!” Dean yelled, looking out the window. “Dean, you need to be at school. Sam will be fine.”

“But he’s not…” Dean mumbled under his breath. He looked out the window, tired of talking. They were home before Dean knew it from drifting off in his thoughts. He couldn’t remember a time he got out of the car faster than that day.

Slamming the door shut he ran into the house with screaming hitting his eardrums instantly. “MAKE IT STOP! GO AWAY!” Sam screamed. Dean ran to the room he heard the screaming finding his mother, holding Sam tight on the couch as he held his hands to his ears.

“Sammy!” He yelled running over to him. Sam opened his eyes still with his hands on his ears as if that would make them stop talking. “Dean, make it stop!” Sam cried out, getting up and sitting next to his brother. “It’s okay Sammy, I’m here.” Dean said getting Sam to lay his head on his lap.

Sam’s eyes were red from crying the whole day. “Sammy close your eyes…they’ll go away in your dreams.” Dean said stroking his hair. “Dean, they’re telling me not to, that they’ll hurt me!” Sam yelled grabbing at his hair, crying.

“Ssssh Sammy…I know you can sleep. They won’t hurt you, I’m here.” Sam softly cried and let his hands off his head. Dean stroked Sam longer hair, calming him. Their mother rubbed Sam’s back helping him out. John was in the kitchen making everyone supper, he could never help Sam out.

Soon Sam was asleep, and John was done making supper; sandwiches again. Their father took Sam upstairs to his bedroom. No one was going to wake him up, even if that meant no supper. If Sam was hungry he’d wake up.

“What’s the new person like…?” Dean asked his parents in the silence of the kitchen as they were eating. John looked up at Mary who was looking down at her sandwich. “It’s another guy…He’s got brown hair. Apparently has a big nose, Sam had been laughing about that…” She was shy talking about it. No one wanted to hear about him having another person in his brain. “I don’t remember his name, but he kept seeing 2 of him at once, one with blue eyes and the other with green. Lucifer was apparently there too.” She got quieter as she spoke.

“What do you mean he saw 2 of the same guy all at once?” Dean asked. “Dean, please…that’s enough questions for today…” John said strictly. It was normal for this to happen. John would have enough of talking about Sam, and it didn’t bother Dean. They all got depressed just thinking about him.

“I met a new kid at school today.” Dean said trying to lighten the mood. Mary smiled. “That’s good, what’s their name?”

“Castiel.”

“Where is he from?” Mary asked. “I don’t know mom, I barely met the guy. It was at the end of the day. He’s in all my classes though.”

John smiled. “That’s good.” He stood and threw away the paper plate. “I’m going to go check on Sam.” He left the room, leaving it quiet. They always had to check on Sam, or be in the same area as him.

“May I be excused?” Dean asked, politely. Mary nodded, so he got up and walked away from the today. He walked up into his and Sam’s room where John was watching Sam. As soon as Dean got into the room John began walking out. Someone else was there to watch him.

“Dean…” Sam whispered softly.

“Sam, why are you awake? Go back asleep.”

“I can’t sleep…Gadreel is talking too loud.” Sam groaned. Dean smile at a joke he formed in his head. “Well, tell him I said to quiet it down. You need rest.”

Sam stayed quiet for awhile. “His twin got him to stop. He’s the nicer half, Ezekiel.” Sam frowned. “Mom told me that she was going to take me to the hospital tomorrow Dean…I don’t wanna go to the hospital again…” Sam whimpered.

“Why is she saying that?”

“Because she said I’m getting worse…” Sam whimpered. “I’m not—I’m not getting worse! I’m fine!” Sam almost yelled. “Sammy, quiet down…I know you’re fine.” Dean smiled, remember Castiel saying the same thing. “I just want them to go away…that’s all. The hospital ain’t gonna do anything, anyway. They’re gonna just call me crazy and send me away again Dean. I don’t want to go back there…No one likes me there.” He whimpers.

“It’s okay Sam, I’ll talk to Mom. Now go to sleep.” Dean smiled. “Everything’s okay, okay?”

“Okay…” Sam mumbled, closing his eyes. “Goodnight Dean.”

“Goodnight Sammy.” Dean smiled turning off the light for him. It was still early, but Sam needed the sleep. He had had a long day. Dean laid on his bed, looking at the TV that was quiet, but not so quiet that you couldn’t hear anything. He listened, hoping his mother wasn’t correct. Sam was fine.


	4. Mr. Zachariah

“Castiel, will you please read the next paragraph.” Mr. Zachariah, one of the strictest teachers in the whole school, said, calling people to read out loud. It was English Class after-all. Castiel was just looking down at the book, as if nothing had been said. “Castiel? Anyone there?” Mr. Zachariah teased, although he had annoyance behind his voice. Castiel looked up. “Yes?” He asked.

Kids were laughing around him. Dean wanted to slap the smiles right off their faces, one by one. Mr. Zachariah rolled his eyes. “Castiel, read the next paragraph. I shouldn’t have to say it twice.”

“Sorry, I didn’t hear you…” He blushed almost and looked down at the book. _“He tried to swear, but suddenly,”_ Castiel looked down at the words, and blinked a couple of times, trying to see what he was reading. “… _started crying, fighting to control himself, then sobbing all the more because he couldn't.”_ He finished, the whole class staring at him.

“Thank you Castiel, maybe next time you should listen though.” Mr. Zachariah chuckled to himself, and the rest of the class laugh. Castiel looked down and bit his lip, touching his ears. Dean saw the hearing aids, and felt bad for the kid.

“Hey, Cas…” Dean whispered looking over at the boy. Castiel looked at him confused. “Can I call you Cas?” Dean asked, softly. Castiel nodded looking as if he was nodding just because, biting his lips as he looked down at his book. “Don’t let this guy get to you, he doesn’t understand that you have—“

“It’s fine.” Castiel said almost angry in a whisper. Dean was caught off guard, and he honestly didn’t know what to do. He looked at Charlie and she shrugged. This guy was a lot different than Dean had originally thought. Not that this bother Dean. Dean loved different.

 

* * *

 

            The lunch bell rang and Dean knew exactly where he was going. He was going to find were this Castiel boy sat. It didn’t seem like he had many friends and Dean felt an odd feeling to become his friend. “You should come with me Charlie!” Dean said smirking, almost looking a little too happy. “I don’t know Dean, he seems to be grumpy…I don’t want to upset him.” Charlie said clearly, as she was not a shy person to the least (She was friend with Dean Winchester after all).

            Dean practically rolls his eyes. “Come on Charlie! I just got a feeling that there is more to this guy then he’s letting show and maybe he is a little weird, but what’s wrong with a little weird?” Dean said as he saw the shiny, blue eyed boy sitting at the table in the corner of the cafeteria alone.

            “Look Charlie, he is all alone it’s the least we could do.” Dean said, his protective and un-shy natural coming through. Charlie sighed. “I guess you’re right, Winchester.”

            Dean gave her a look of pride. “When am I _not_ right?”

            Charlie rolled her eyes as Dean walked over to the table where the teenager sat, with no food, just looking out the window. Dean and Charlie brought their lunch. Mary liked knowing Dean had food, and she quite frankly hated the school system for the way they treated Sam when was little.

            “Hey Cas!” Dean said grinning, sitting down across from the boy. Castiel flinched a bit as if he didn’t see coming, or even heard him. He looked at Dean, then at Charlie. “What do you want?” Cas asked timidly with a rough voice. “If you’re here to tease me then please go away…This is my one time of freedom.”

            Charlie talked before Dean had a chance. “No, no, no! We don’t want to tease you Castiel, we just thought that maybe you’d just want someone to talk to.” Charlie smiled, looking sorry for the boy with the big glasses on his face. “…Oh…” Castiel said looking generally shocked, turning his body to face them.

            Dean smirked. “You’re just in all my classes and you seemed kind-of _awesome._ ” Dean said, chuckling at his own hint of word choices. Castiel nodded, looking down at the table. “I don’t know your names.” Castiel says out of nowhere. Dean laughs. “Well, I’m Dean Winchester and this is—“

            “I’m Charlie Bradbury.” She cut Dean off, acting as if she had to. Castiel nodded and gives a tiny smile, and pulls his hand out. Dean shakes it stronger than Castiel plans as it caught him off guard. “I am Castiel Novak.”

            Dean chuckled, as he shook Charlie’s hand. “I know Cas.”

            Castiel looked up confused. “Why are you calling me Cas?” He asked with his blue eyes not fully showing as his eyes were not fully open. “What? I asked you in English if I could call you it.”

            “I am sorry; I did not hear you say that.” Castiel said professionally making his sentence as long as possible with it still making sense. He had his eyes on the ground as he talked, as if looking up was not an option. Dean nodded, looking at Castiel’s ears once again. It was obvious he had a hearing aid, so why did everyone act like he didn’t?

            “Well, it’s a nickname I’ve given you. Can I call you Cas?” Dean asked again. Castiel looked back up and landed his blue eyes with green ones. “Yes, you may.” Castiel said, his face turning red, making him look back at the dirty floor of the cafeteria. Charlie smirked at Dean, but Dean wasn’t paying her any mind. He was too fascinated with the teenage boy across from him.

 

* * *

 

            Soon the day was over and Dean was once again picked up in his father’s truck. Dean jumped into the car and threw his book-bag in the back. “Why are you picking me up again?” Dean said, crossing his arms, glaring.

            “No, ‘Hey Dad’ first?” John asked pulling out of the school. “Hey Dad, why are you picking me up _again_?!” Dean said with attitude. John ignores it this time. “You mother took Sam to the hospital after lunch today. We’re going to the hospital now.” John said lightly, acting as if it was normal. The problem was that in the Winchester house this happened at least once of month if not more.

            Dean rubbed his eyes, and brushed back his hair. “Nothing happened, right? She’s just there so they can see why he seeing these new people, right?” Dean asked looking at John’s face.

            “Dean…” John said lowering his voice. “Just tell me Dad!” Dean almost yelled. John sighed as he parked at the hospital. It wasn’t that far away from the school. “He uh—He—Damn it Dean, just go in there and look.” It had to be bad if John couldn’t tell him. His father was not afraid of telling most things as they were.

            Dean rushed out of the car, running into the hospital and quickly asking where Sammy was. Once Dean was told he rushed to the elevator, not waiting for his dad, getting into room 505.

            Mary was sitting in there watching Sam, as his stomach moved up and down slowly as he slept. There was white bandage with blood spread across in a blob of straight lines across both of his tiny wrists. Dean covered his hand with mouth and slowly sat down. Sam had ran into things before, he’d got glass stuck in him before, he had done everything but literally harm himself on purpose, and the thing that hurt Dean worst was the fact that he knew Sam didn’t think he did it himself. Sam would never know that he put the knife to himself, because what he saw was another person doing it to him; or at least that’s what Dean thought.

            Sam always seemed so calm in his sleep, and Dean could look at him all days when he was asleep, but today—today Dean didn’t want to look at his little brother. He thought he was going to lose him.


	5. Meg

Sam woke up when John and Mary were off getting dinner. Dean pushed his chair over to Sam’s side, and clasped his hand onto his younger brothers. It was hard for the eldest Winchester not to get teary at the white bandages on his wrists.

            “Dean?” Sam said hoarsely. He must have been asleep for a long time before Dean came, and even then he’d been asleep for an hour.

            “Hey Sammy, how did you sleep?” Dean smiled dryly at his brother who is sitting up, his hand still in Dean’s. Sam frowned when he saw his own bandages, not answering the question. Sam’s eyes are wide and let’s go of his brother’s hand staring at his wrist.

            “Sammy?” Dean asked softly, saying Sam’s bottom lip twitch as his eyes get wet fast. “Oh no Sammy, come here…” Dean says protectively, getting onto the bed with his brother. Sam cuddles into his brother chest, hiccupping. Dean held onto his brother, “It’s all okay Sammy, big brother is here, no one’s gonna harm you.” Dean protectively said, rubbing his back.

            Sam shook his head in his chest. “No De, it’s not!” He almost screamed into his chest. Dean tilted Sam’s head up in fear; he didn’t need to cause a scene. His heart throbbed when his brother called him ‘De’ as if he was five years old all over again.

            “Ssssh Sammy, tell me what happened, okay?” Dean said, grabbing his younger brother’s hand so he had something to hold onto. Sam frowned and used his other hand to wipe his tears away. “I – I was with Mom in the kitchen. She was fixing lunch, and wanted me to help her. She said it’d help me calm down, but then,” Sam hiccupped and shook his head.

            “Then, this lady with long brown hair came to me when I was cutting the tomatoes for me and mom’s sandwich. She grabbed the knife out of my hand did this to me Dean…I swear…” Another tear fell down his cheek, looking Dean in the eye, begging him to believe him.

            Dean tried his best to act, but he knew that Sam knew he didn’t believe him. Dean guessed acting like he believed everything Sam said got his brother through the day.

            Instead of lying, Dean just holds Sam tighter. Sam started to cry harder again, and wrapped his arms around Dean for an actual hug.

            Hours went by and Sam told his mother what had happened. Her name was Meg. Apparently Sam passed out on the car ride to the hospital, so she never got the story. Their mother told the doctor and the new crushed his little brother’s heart. They were sending him to yet another hospital for people with schizophrenia; expect this time Mary and John were not okay with it at all.

            “That’s no place for a child! He’s only 10 years old, and that place is for adults!” Mary lashed out at three doctors that were talking to John and Mary. “I’m sorry ma’am; Sam Winchester needs to see a specialist.”

            “No he’s seen about 20 ‘specialist.’ He doesn’t need to see a ‘specialist’ that is ten-hundred-thousand miles away from here. That’s _not_ happening to my little boy.” She argues again. It was as if steam was coming out of her ears.  

            “Mrs. Winchester, we are sending him to one of the best doctor in the nation for this. He will be under his care and his care only and will not interact with any of the patients there.”  Their doctor said with his voice getting louder and louder as he speaks.

            “Oh so now you’re just gonna have him there being anti-social until he gets better, huh? Do you think that will help him? You know what helps him; his family does and if you send him all the way over there we won’t have the money to go see him!” Their mom argued again, John grabbing a hold of her hand to calm her down.

            “Ma’am do you want your son to get better?”

            “Yes…” She says calmer. “Then you’re going to have to let us take him until things settle, or until you two can’t pay for him to stay there anymore.” The doctor says hands across his chest. Mary sighs and nods, walking back into Sam’s room with John. Sam was looking at the wall, his head resting on Dean’s lap. He was talking and it wasn’t to Dean. Sam hadn’t actually talked to his hallucinations since he was younger. Dean could see all the sorrow and horror that was coming from his parent’s faces.

            “Sam baby?” Mary says, sitting on the edge of the bed. Sam flinches, getting out of his own world and looks at his mother. “Yes mom?” He says softly, his eyes were still red from all his crying.

            “You’re leaving for a little while after breakfast tomorrow morning.” She says as calmly as possible, messing with her youngest son’s longer hair. Sam frowns, “You – you said you weren’t going to – going to send me away again!” Sam hiccups, tears building up. “Sammy, I know what I said and –“

            “You promised – you promised mom!” Sam yelled very loud, loud enough to get a nurses attention. The nurse looks in and nods after Sam turns and grabs onto Dean’s shirt, sobbing. Dean frowns and hooks his arms around his poor brother.

            “Ssssh…” Dean says, calming him. “Everything’s okay Sammy…Everything’s okay…” It seemed Dean was the only person that could calm Sam down because no one else ever did. Sam puts his hands on his eyes, whispering to himself as he sobs into Dean. _“No one likes you Sam, everyone hates you Sam, you ruin everything Sam, no one likes you Sam…”_ Sam whispered, as if Sam himself wasn’t talking. Dean let a tear fall down his face hearing his brother saying these things and not being able to do a thing about it. That wasn’t Sam speaking, that was someone else.


	6. Mrs. Harvelle

 

            John made Dean go to school the next day which made Dean very upset. He had to say bye to Sam without him saying it back because he was asleep. Yet, Dean knew it would be better like this; for Dean anyway. If he was there Sam wouldn’t let him go, and he would just sob into his older brother until they forcefully grabbed him, taking him away.

            Dean always liked it when Sam slept. Sam always had a calming look to him which Dean never saw anymore. In Sam’s sleep he could be normal, and he could be himself – not four other people talking to him. It was for the best that he didn’t see Sam awake until he came back.

            When he got to school he was hoping to rant about his problems to Charlie, but by the beginning of first period, she was not there. Castiel wasn’t there either. No one was sitting on either side of him in that class.

            He assumed they were both sick, which might have been true about Charlie but, while going to second period Dean found Castiel with the two boys that were bullying him before. “Hey, I told you to leave him the fuck alone!” Dean shouted as he was walking quickly over to them.

            “N-no, Dean go away!” Castiel said as one of them pinned him to a locker. “Put him down!” Dean yelled, people were starting to stare. “Alastair, you here that? Put him down.” Azazel had the mocking tone in his voice, and Dean didn’t know he could ever get this mad. Alastair did what he was told; he dropped Castiel on the ground. Cas’s face hit one of the lockers and his glasses flew off. Azazel backed up, stepping on them with a crunch. “Oops! It seems you’ve broken your glasses, faggot. Maybe you should get your boyfriend over here to get you some new ones.”

            Cas had his eyes shut, and his hands on his face. The bullies left to class just as the late bell rang. “Cas, come here, let me take you to the nurse – your nose is bleeding pretty bad and—“

            “Dean, please just – just go away! I don’t want you to see me like this!” Cas mumbled from his hands still being on his face. Dean could see the water eyes. He refused to leave.

            “Cas, just let me help you.”

            “No – no! I can get to the nurse on my own! Go away, please!” Cas shouted his hands are removed from his face showing his bloody nose. He was looking at the floor, his hands moving around the floor as if he couldn’t see at all.

            “Cas, Azazel broke your glasses. Come on, blood is getting on your white shirt.” Dean says, crouching beside him. Castiel seemed to ignore him as he tried to get up, only to fall down quickly onto his bottom. He groaned to himself and Dean couldn’t help grab Cas’s hand.

            “Dean, why are you still here. I-I really don’t want you seeing me like this, okay? Please just – just go away, I’m used to be alone.” Castiel says a tiny tear falling from his eye as he tries to get up again, only to fall right back down. This time Dean his holding his hand, and helps Castiel up as Dean gets up himself.

            Cas’s hand is gripping on the edge of a locker as if it was keeping him alive. When he does let go he sways a bit, but Dean kept him upright. He uses his other hand to wipe his face with. Dean kept his hand locked between Cas’s. If he was honest, Dean wanted to keep holding his hand until he had to let go. For some reason he was special to Dean, and he was going to do anything in his way to help Cas out.

            Castiel gripped Dean’s hand tighter as he swayed. “I – I can’t do this!” Castiel yelled, letting go of Dean’s hand, sitting on the floor. He brought his knees up and rested his head between them.

            “Cas, did they hit your head against the locker? You seem a bit dizzy.” Dean says, and Cas shakes his head. “Can you just please get the nurse and go away…” Castiel’s voice was shaky and Dean knew he was crying. “Okay Cas, you stay here, I’ll get the nurse and be right back, I promise.”

            Cas nodded, getting closer to the lockers. About five minutes later Dean was walking quickly behind the nurse whom was rolling a wheelchair with her quickly towards Castiel. “Castiel, is your usher’s giving a hard time today?” Ms. Harvelle said kindly. Cas nodded not moving. ‘ _Ushers?’_ Dean thought to himself as the nurse helped Castiel into the wheelchair. “Dear, why is your nose bleeding? Also, where are your glasses?” Cas looked up to the nurse with the straight brown hair.

            He frowned. “I – I don’t know…” He whispered wiping his eyes with the cuff of his sleeve. Dean followed behind them. ‘ _Why did he lie? Why didn’t he tell her that two juniors were bullying him?’_ He thought.

            “Do you know?” She looked at Dean. He looked at Cas once they were in the nurse’s room, and he seemed like he didn’t want Dean to say anything; so he didn’t. “I was going to class when I found him like this ma’am.”

            She nodded and cleaned off Cas’s nose. Of course it stopped bleeding as soon as he was getting help. “Well Castiel, I know Mr. Novak will not be pleased about you losing your glasses.”

            “I didn’t lose them.” Castiel said with his blue eyes closed. “They broke.” He added before the nurse could ask. “Castiel for you not to know what happened you sure know a lot of what happened.” She smirked.

            “My balance was not by my side and I fell.” Cas lied through his teeth. Dean frowned. “Well, Castiel you know your Father won’t be pleased with this.” The nurse said as if she was close to Cas’s family.

            Cas nodded, frowning. “Well Mr. Winchester you better be getting back to class.”

            “Castiel can’t come with?” He asks, more worried now. Cas nodded with the nurse. “His father asked me to call him home sick every time he comes to the nurse.”

            “He comes a lot?” Dean asked. “That’s not my business to share Mr. Winchester. Maybe Castiel can tell you tomorrow if he would like. Now, go to class.” She said a little harsher now, almost pushing Dean out the door. He saw Castiel give a little wave to him before he left the room.

            Dean couldn’t be anyone confused. Maybe Castiel wasn’t a little weirder than you thought. That wasn’t a problem to Dean though, he knew how it felt.


	7. Charlie

“Mr. Novak! Oh, it so great to see you. It’s not like you coming in late once a week is disrupting my class or anything!” Mr. Zachariah said as Castiel came walking in with his giant back-up glasses until the other one was fixed.

            “I’m sorry Mr. Zachariah.” Castiel said, trying to get to his seat next to Dean as fast as possible. Dean smiled up at him. He hadn’t seen Cas since his Father took him home so, seeing him in third made his day; even if he was coming to school late.

            “Hey Cas.” Dean said as his friend sat down. Charlie was on the other side of Dean looking Dean in a strange way. “What?” Dean mouthed at Charlie. She rolled her eyes and began taking notes again.

            Dean was confused but did the same until the lunch bell rang. Charlie and Dean walked with Cas slowly. “My apologizes, these are my older glasses. I don’t have the same vision as I did about 6 years ago.”

            “Dude how long have you had glasses?” Charlie says more in a interested voice not a mocking. Cas smiles softly. It was the first time Dean had seen the kid somewhat smile, and all he can think is, ‘ _is it hot in here or just me?’_

“Essentially, I have them for roughly my entire life.” Cas replies a bit shy, but when was he not shy? “Dude are you serious?” Charlie smirks.

            Cas tilts his head to the side as they sit down and get their food out. “Yes, I do not know why I would lie about my glasses.”

            Dean couldn’t stop smiling at Cas. He was too smart for his own good, and Dean liked that about him. Dean began to eat his sandwich offering some to Castiel. “No thank you, I am not very hungry.”

            “Suit yourself, this sandwich is heaven!” Dean said with his mouthful. “Dean, you think everything is heaven when it comes down to food.”

            “Damn straight.” Dean smirks at his own remark as he hears someone else add to their own conversation. “More like damn curvy!” The group of guys, Azazel, Alistair and a few other people, laughed in their direction.

            “Hey faggot, the eighty’s called and they want their glasses back!” Azazel yelled, dying of laughter with his friends. “Fuck off!” Charlie yelled over at them. She had balls. They began laughing more and more. “A little nerdy freshmeat is telling us to fuck off? That’s adorable!” Alistair laughed, the group going along with it.

            Charlie leaned over and whispered to Dean. “You and Castiel get out of here. I’ll take care of this.” Dean nodded and grabbed Castiel by the hand, helping him up.

            “Aw, the boyfriends are holding hands!” A random guy yelled out. “I’m sorry are you talking about them or the two of you making goo-goo face back there?” Charlie yelled, getting out of her seat closer to the men.

            Dean pretty much dragged Castiel into eight-hundred-hall bathroom. No one ever used it during lunch or fourth period because the eight hundred’s hall was only used during first and second. “Dean – Dean, we’re not supposed to be in here!” Castiel yelled as soon as Dean dragged him and Cas into the handicap stall, locking the door. Dean sat on the floor and waited Cas to join him.

            Castiel sighed and sat down, leaning back against the wall. “We had to get out of there Cas, I couldn’t let them just bully you like that. No way!” Dean said wrapping his arm around Castiel before he even knew he was doing it. Thankfully, Cas leaned into it and put his head on Dean’s shoulder.

            “Thank you Dean.” Cas softly says, looking down at the floor. “For protecting you from the bullies?” Dean asked looking down at Cas. He felt like he was holding Sam in his lap when he younger. He’d go and play in the park, trying to play with everyone until they either thought he was weird or Sam had a meltdown of his own. Dean remembered some older kids bullying Sam at the park, and Dean running away with him. You knew it was the right thing to do.

            “For everything.” Cas answered. Sparks flew from Dean’s chest when Cas grabbed Dean’s hand and held it tight. “What do you mean by everything Cas?”

            “I mean for not treating me like I’m different. Everyone is either bullying me or giving me pity but you – you treat me like a friend, like I’m normal and it makes me feel loved.”

            Dean smiles, “Why would I treat you any different?”

            Cas sighs and looked up at Dean. “Don’t act like you don’t see it. You know why everyone else does. I’m a boy that’s a nerd and has to wear these ridiculous glasses and hearing aids that barely even work, and my balance is horrible, and I’m a bloody faggot, I mean that’s why I didn’t want you see me yesterday. I thought you were going to leave like everyone else.” Castiel ranted his eyes were a bit wet at the end. Dean turned and looked Cas in the face with a smile.

            “I don’t see how all of that would make me treat you different. I see you as an intelligent person that’s handsome, friendly, but timid. I see a boy with crystal blue eyes and untamable hair that looks adorable! I see a guy with glasses on that are as big as his heart. Maybe he can’t hear too well and his balance is a bit off, but that’s what makes him unique. I see a guy that is trying his hardest to be himself and—“

            Then it happened. Dean was about to be done with his speech when Cas puts his hands on Dean’s cheek and kisses passionately. He pulls back quickly. “I – I – Oh my Gosh – I – I’m so sorry! I should – should go. I’m – I’m so s-sorry!” Cas  scrambles to his feet, running into the door to get it unlocked, running out. “Castiel, wait!” Dean yelled, but Cas was gone like a flash. Dean saw the tear that had whelped up in his eyes so quickly.

            He walked out of the bathroom, not seeing Castiel anywhere in sight. Dean slowly touched his lips. Cas had kissed him, and Dean didn’t know why but he was okay with it. He wanted Cas’s lips to stay there forever, but Castiel didn’t know that. He was scared.

            Dean frowned and kicked the wall. Why did no one treat Castiel like he was normal?


	8. Mary

 

            Dean had found him. He was ditching school and sure if his mom or dad found out he would be dead-meat, but he didn’t care. Castiel was sitting under a tree at the back of school. Dean was scared to talk to him for once. He was afraid Cas would run away again like a deer.

            He knew had to though. His legs felt like jelly as he got closer to Castiel, seeing wet marks on his red cheeks. It broke his heart.

            “Cas?” Dean said calmly. Castiel looked up, his blue eyes more red. He flinches and tries to get to his feet fast only to fall over as he had the day before. “Please – please don’t hurt me! I – I wasn’t thinking!” Castiel shouted covering his face with his hands as if Dean was going to hit him. Instead, he got the exact opposite.

            Dean kneeled down next to him and pushed his hands to the side. Castiel looked terrified. “Cas, I would never hurt you.” Dean speaks softly, holding onto one of Cas’s hands again. “But you’re not – you’re not gay and I kissed you! You must think I’m – I’m some type of gay freak!” Castiel argued, and Dean looked down, but then back up into Cas’s reddish-blue eyes. “Castiel, you’re perfect to me. You’re becoming one of my best friends.”

            Dean takes his thumb and wipes the tears off of Cas’s face, smiling softly. Castiel is looking down at the grass, playing with it instead of talking.

            “Cas, think about it; did I pull back from your kiss?” Dean asks him getting a little bit closer to his friend, his hand still in his grip. Castiel looked up, noticing how close Dean had gotten to him. “I – I don’t know if you did Dean. I wasn’t thinking when it happened. You were just being so nice to me, and your emerald green eyes were staring at me. Your head was tilted slightly, so I just did it. I wasn’t thinking. Dean—“

            Dean softly pressed his lips to Cas’s, closing his eyes. He held it until Castiel pulled back. “You talk too much.” Dean smiled, wiping Cas’s cheeks with the pad of his thumb again. “But – but you’re not—“

            “Gay?” Dean finished his sentence for him. Cas nodded timidly. “Cas, why do you think me and Charlie are so good friends? We’re both gay and help the other person find someone. Fortunately, I found you myself with those gorgeous blue eyes. I don’t like seeing them red.” Dean smiled, rubbing his finger over Cas’s cheek once more.

             Cas smiles at Dean, which makes Dean’s heart flutter. “So, what does this mean?” Castiel asks, his moonlight eyes staring at Dean’s.  “Well, I’m gonna ask you out, and if you say yes, I’m gonna kiss you again.” Dean smirks.

            Castiel giggles and Dean can actually see his teeth. His blushed cheeks couldn’t have made it any cuter.

            “Castiel, will you be my boyfriend?” Dean asks, being as cliché as possible. Castiel nods, a full smile on his face. Dean turns his head and kisses Castiel softly. Cas moves a little closer to Dean, letting their lips touch with more passion.

            Castiel pulls away for a second and looks at Dean. “You’re not going to leave me or pity me or bully me, are you?”

            “No Cas, I’ll be just as I was. I just might kiss you more than I used to.” Dean smirked at the joke he made, leaning in to kiss Castiel again. They were both happy.

            When Dean left to go home, he felt like a weight was taken off of him. “What are you so happy about?” Mary asked him as he got into the car. “I’m just really happy mom.” He says smirking.

            “Well I’m glad you’re handling Sam being gone well.” Mary smiled lightly, looking at her son as she got to a stoplight. Dean sighed, “I wasn’t thinking about him, but I guess it took my mind off things. How long do you think he’ll be gone?” Dean asks, looking at his mother.

            “I don’t know sweetie. I just know that if this doesn’t work I don’t know what will.” Mary was frowning now. “Will we get to see him? Charlie wanted to stop by and talk to him last week, but she never got a chance.” Dean asked, wanting to see him badly. It hadn’t even been a day and he missed him.

            “Honey, we don’t have the money to go up there and visit him. I truly wish we did.” Mary was keeping her eyes on the road, turning into their neighborhood. Dean nodded and looked out the window until they got home. It was too quiet for it to be the Winchester’s house.

            “Is Dad not home?” Dean asked his mother before going upstairs. “No, he is staying at work later to get some extra money.”

            Dean nodded and went up the stairs to his room. He looked at Sam’s bed, seeing that it was made up with all of his favorite stuffed animals lying on it.

            Dean hated it when Sam was gone as much as Sam. He loved seeing Sam calmly asleep, with nothing going on in his head. He liked knowing that he went to sleep okay, and that he was by his side if he couldn’t sleep which happened at least once a week.

            But he couldn’t think about that now. He went to bed that night thinking about him and his new boyfriend Cas. It made all the pressure in his chest leave. He went to bed happy.


	9. News

            

            **_5 Months Later…_**

****

            “I’m very glad to finally meet you Castiel.” Mary said, putting plates on the table. Castiel was next to Dean, timidly smiling.

            “You know Dean has said so much about you.” She continued, making Dean blush. “Mom, I don’t talk about him _that_ much.”

            Castiel softly smiles at how flustered Dean was. Mary rolls her eyes, “Well you two can sit down and start eating. Dean, your Father isn’t coming home tonight and I have to leave to get some wrapping paper. Make sure you’re a good hostess.” She smiles walking out of the kitchen.

            Dean and Castiel go and sit at the table, munching on the dinner his mother had served. “Your house is really big.” Castiel speaks out of nowhere, breaking the slightly awkward silence. Dean looks at him confused. “You think this is big? It’s just one bedroom, one master room, two bathrooms, a kitchen, a den, and an attic. I’ve been to houses three times as big as this. This is normal.”

            Castiel is now the one looking confused. “This is a normal house size?” He seemed to be in awe. Dean nodded, “Yeah, this is pretty average. You should see Charlie’s house, or even my family friend, Benny’s house; they’re massive.”

            “Do they live in a mansion?” Castiel asks him between bites of chicken. Dean laughs, and then realizes Castiel is 100% serious. “Oh no, they’re just bigger than this.”

            “Wow, that’s big.” Castiel says looking around at the photos on the walls and the table they sat at. Dean smiles, ‘ _okay, he is a lot weirder than you thought.’_

“Cas, what does your house look like?” Dean says. Castiel is looking down at his plate eating, not answering. This happened more and more often as the months went by. Then again, Dean and Cas were spending a lot more time together; this was the first time Castiel had been at his house.

            “Cas.” Dean said a little bit louder, making Cas look up. “Yes?” He asks as if Dean had said nothing before. “I asked you what your house looks like.”

            “Oh, my apologizes. You don’t want to know what my house looks like. It’s nothing like this.”  Cas seemed to frown a bit.

            “It doesn’t matter if it’s not like this Cas, you’re my friend. Besides, I’d want to come over and see it at some point.” Dean tries to add the last part on brightly.

            “I live in a small house downtown. It’s got one bedroom, one bathroom, and a split kitchen and den.” Castiel seems shy to talk about it. “You wouldn’t want to come to my house. Even if you wanted to I don’t think my dad would let me have you over. He’s very protective over me and my brothers.”

            Dean is in shock at how small of a home he lives in. “Where does everyone sleep? You said you had five brothers.” Dean asks although he thinks he might be getting into sensitive territory.

            “Well, Bartholomew sleeps with my dad in his bed, and then Balthazar and Gabriel sleep on the pull-out couch. When Samandriel is home he sleeps with them, Gadreel sleeps on a spear cot in my dad’s bedroom, and then I sleep on the floor.” Castiel speaks as if it is something everyone did.

            Dean is looking at him with really wide eyes. “What? Did I say something that offended you?” Castiel asks, getting up with his plate and washing it off. Dean wanted to tell him he didn’t have to wash his plate that Dean would get it but this seemed like a bad time.

            “No, no, you didn’t say anything wrong. I just – you know if you can stay over any time you like. Mom doesn’t mind.” Dean tries to smile. Castiel nods, but slightly frowns. “I wouldn’t want to bother you guy’s home with my troubles. Thank you though.”

            Dean gets up and puts his plate in the dish washer. “You’re not trouble Castiel. I can already tell my mother likes you.” Dean starts walking, Castiel following.

            “Well, either way I know I cannot stay a lot. My father is barely letting me stay tonight. He told me that he wanted to meet up with both of your parents before I came, but luckily I convinced him into waiting till next time.” Cas smiled as they walked up the stairs into Dean’s room.

            “You have two beds?” Castiel asks, sitting on the edge of Dean’s, looking at the other bed next to his. “No, that’s Sammy’s.” Dean smiles and fixes a stuffed animal on Sam’s bed.

             “You never told me you had a brother.” Castiel says. Dean shrugs, “You never asked.”

            “Do you not like your brother?”

            “No! I love Sammy – I just don’t talk about him to people because if they all truly knew about him it’d break Sam’s heart.” Dean says a bit harshly. Castiel has wide eyes on Dean now. Dean sits on his bed and pats beside him for Castiel to sit with him. Timidly, Castiel does as Dean asked.

            “Let’s not talk about our family right now. Let’s do something fun.” Dean says taking the tension away, kissing Cas’s cheek. “What do you suggest?” Castiel asked as Dean kissed the side of Cas’s jaw.

            Dean turned his head to look at Cas as if asking him what he wanted; almost daring Castiel to kiss him back. Cas sits up a bit, turning his head and kissing Dean’s on lips softly. They didn’t get to do this much.

            Dean kisses back kissing him harder than Cas had done to him, rubbing his hand up Cas’s shoulder. They both smiled and locked lips again, closing their eyes. Dean crept forward, moving his hands up to Cas’s neck and hair.

            He got onto top of Cas, feeling a erection forming against his skin. Castiel let his hand skim Dean’s arm, too scared to do more. Luckily for Castiel, the phone rings in the Winchester home, Dean’s mother is calling for him.

            Dean quickly got up crossing his legs, and putting a pillow on Cas’s lap just before Mary walks pokes her head in. “Dean?”

            “Yeah, mom?” He asks. She smiles softly, a smile Dean hadn’t seen in months.

 “Sam’s coming home.”


	10. Imaginary People

 

            The next day came and soon Dean was running over to his brother who was at the front door of their house looking very tired. He wrapped his arms around him and gave him a giant hug. “Sammy, I missed you!” He shouted.

            Sam didn’t respond. He barely moved his arms to hug Dean back. Dean looked up to his mother and father who had gone to get him. They gave a fake-smile and shrug, seeing the confusion in eyes.

            “I’m tired.” Sam said. It was all in mumble like all of his words were glued together. Dean hoped the sudden change was because of him being sleepy, not anything else. “Okay Sam, let’s go to bed then.” He vaguely smiled as he led his brother up the stairs to into their room. Sam’s bed was made up like it had been for the past 5 months.

            Bits of dust flew as Sam pushed the covers aside. He got into the bed still fully dressed with even his shoes on. “Sam, take off your shoes.” Dean tapped his little brother’s foot. Sam didn’t move. He just sat there with his eyes closed, humming a song Dean had never heard of before.

            Dean took them off for him and decided to sit on his own bed and watch over his little brother. Maybe it was just the long trip home that tired him out? He could only hope that and the little hope he had died when he heard the yelling from downstairs.

            “I knew we shouldn’t have let him go! Look at him! Look what they did to my baby boy!” Mary yelled her voice sharp and shrill as she continued on. “He acted like we weren’t even there for all those hours in the car! They didn’t help him, they made him worse!”

            Dean could tell his mother was crying from the all way up the stairs. He could only hope Sam couldn’t hear. “They won’t even tell us what they to him while he was in there. They’re pulling that ‘it is confidential information’ shit! We’re his parents!” She yelled her voice turning into more of a cry of sorrow than of anger.  John voice was more hushed, telling his wife to calm down.

            After all of that the yelling stopped and the house went back to being quite. Sam was sound asleep and Dean didn’t have anything else to do. It was too early to sleep for him and of course he had his phone to play on but Charlie was the only person he texted because Castiel didn’t have a phone. So he closed his eyes and daydreamed.

            That didn’t last too long though. As soon as he heard whimpers, his eyes open and he looks at Sam’s bed. “Sam, are you okay?”

            Sam shakes his head rapidly and Dean automatically jumps off his bed and gets on his brother’s. “What’s wrong, Sammy?” Dean asks putting his hand on Sam’s shoulder. Sam shakes his head again and puts his hands to his face, hiding his eyes from the rest of the world. “You can tell me, Sam. Remember? I’m always here for you.”

            “Everyone th-thinks I’m a-a monster.” Sam mumbles into his hands. His stomach was hitching and his hair had fallen onto his face. Dean frowned, “Why do you say that?”

            “Because – because – because…” Sam couldn’t get it to come out as if it was quite literally stuck in his throat. Sam always mumbled and sometimes his words would combine, but he never had said one word over and over again. He always knew what he was saying.

            “Sammy?” Dean asks, shaking his brother’s shoulder. “Dean…” He whimpered, letting his arms attach to his brother’s waist. He shoves his head into his brother chest and sobs. It was a soft cry. Nothing was scaring him at the moment; he was crying because of something that was actually him.

            Dean rubbed his brother’s back and looking down at him. “You’re not a monster Sam. You’re not a monster. You’re Sam Winchester; the boy that can stomp whatever is in his way. The smartest kid I know.”

            Sam looked up at him wiping his eyes. “Do you really think that?” Sam asked quietly. Dean nodded. “Yeah, I’ve never seen you any differently. You’re my one and only brother. If you were a monster, I’d be one too.”

            “That’s not true.” Sam frowns again. Dean couldn’t argue with the boy exactly.

            Dean patted Sam on the back a couple more times, sighing. “What did they do to you?” Dean asks with a sadden look on his face. Sam looks down as he talks, making it very hard for Dean to hear. “They kept me in a room alone a lot and told me to act like myself. So I did, and although they said all the doors were locked, that no one could get in, people still managed to get in.”

            “Like who?” Dean interrupted. “Like Luci and Meg.” Sam is now looking at his older brother, being completely serious. “They kept making me take all these different pills that usually just made me sick. After awhile I heard the nurses saying that I was too crazy to be fixed. Then a couple of days later I overheard my doctor saying that he gave up on me. I only knew it was me because the next day Mom and Dad came to get me. Now, I’m here.” Sam was rocking himself, up and down as if he was a rocking chair as he spoke quietly.

            “So, that’s why you feel like a monster?” Dean frowned. “Not just that. I heard Mom yelling too – I’m not deaf.”

            Dean looked down at his brother. “Sammy, you’re not a monster. Mom’s just scared that she’s gonna lose you.”

            “She shouldn’t have to be! I should be normal like you! Everyone keeps secrets from me and acts like I’m not smart enough to know! Mom, Dad, and even you do it too!” Sam cried out, his tears building up again.

            “Sam, we are only do it when we know it’ll hurt you.” Dean whispered, trying to sound calming. Sam shakes his head as more tears flow down his cheek. “You don’t understand Dean! No one understands!”

            “Don’t say that Sam…” Dean frowns, now wanting to cry himself. Sam shakes his head, “I just want to be like you Dean.” Sam mumbles, the words getting stuck in his throat on the way up.

            Dean didn’t know what to say. “You are like me Sam and you’re not a monster.”

            “If you say so…” Sam sighed, turning over and getting onto his side, the opposite direction of Dean. Dean knew that was Sam’s way of saying he didn’t want to talk about it anymore and Dean was okay with that.

            Getting back into his own bed, Dean looks over at his brother. Sam was nodding his head, as if answering someone’s question. With a sigh, Dean turns around and texts Charlie like always. He had to tell someone about Sam. He couldn’t keep that locked inside him without breaking himself.

            Charlie doesn’t text him back within an hour, and Dean was stuck listening to his brother’s mumbles to imaginary people. And with that Dean was done for the day – nothing left to do.


End file.
